Not loud, but dancing proud

People are continually surprised when they see me dancing at a party or event. Not only that I am dancing, but that I'm dancing bodaciously - and, I might add, quite funkily. "You're so quiet!" they say. Well, for one thing I am not all that quiet, but in the office and in more superficial social situations I don't feel a need to be shouting, telling ribald jokes, or engaging in whatever behaviour they might see as indicative of a tendency to dance.

But what does the one have to do with the other? Thinking about people I know who are loud and talkative and people I know who like to get down, I don't see any but the most incidental overlap. In many cases, it is not, in fact, the same people at all.

Some often misunderstood facts about introverts:

* Being introverted is not the same thing as being shy. It's a difference in how your brain works. (Indeed, people tend to fear introverts because they suspect that they are smarter than themselves. This is generally true.) It's been shown that when introverts engage in social interactions, they are accessing both long- and short-term memory, making all kinds of associations. Extroverts rely on short-term memory only, which makes their process zippier, if, perhaps, less profound. It's also less taxing. For this reason, introverts need more breaks to recover their energy. Parties can be somewhat exhausting. This doesn't mean that introverts don't like people. But being frequently misunderstood and steamrolled by extroverts can lead to certain aversions.

* Introverts don't necessarily lack confidence. Don't mistake our relative quietness for fear. Though we may be afraid of public speaking, just as many extroverts are, we may not. Public performance is not the same thing as the random social interactions that take so much energy to navigate. The fact that introverts can be great orators, actors, performers, interviewers, leaders, and organizers shouldn't surprise anyone, though it often does.

* Introverts might in fact be exhibitionists. They may crave being the center of attention. (Some do, some don't.) In fact, they may seek to meet their needs for validation through staged performance, since it may be harder for them to draw attention to themselves in a more unstructured situation.

* Introversion is not the same as inhibition. Because of the time-delay for reflection that the introvert brain naturally goes through in social interactions, introversion may have this effect, but it's a mistake to equate the two. Many introverts are comfortable with themselves and are not afraid to express their opinions or even engage in "zany" behavior. Perhaps because it happens less frequently than with extroverts, it can be a shock to people who think they've figured the introvert out and consider them "shy" or "reserved."

* Many people who think I'm quiet just aren't good listeners. Rather than fighting my way to express myself in conversation with them, I just give up and draw them out (or nod along if they need no drawing out), which seems to be what they want. They don't learn that I have a sense of humor and a lot to say because they have not bothered to find out.

* If you don't think I'm funny, I probably don't think you're funny, either.

Given all of the above, dancing at a party is often a lot easier than talking, and more fun.